I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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