I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
