New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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