4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
