i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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