im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
