My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
