That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
