shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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