Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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