Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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