I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
