i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
