Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
