worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
