Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
