your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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