i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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