I'm lost and stupid without you.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
