how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
