You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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