You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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