I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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