having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
