she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
