Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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