I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
