Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
