dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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