if i can run in heels then i can drive
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
