"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
