Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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