she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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