your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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