Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
