life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm too high and old for this...
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