I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
