I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
