Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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