btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you had me at cake vodka
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
