Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
