we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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