I need help removing her.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
