i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just threw up on my dentist
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
