4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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