I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We had sex on a dog bed..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
