who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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