I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
