Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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