a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
