there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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