Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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