Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
