i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
