remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
