Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
