i need an iv and a liver transplant
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I fill condoms, not promises.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
